As human beings, as we grow, we learn to carry dread and defeat into adulthood. We become hypersensitive to stress, avoid things that challenge and overwhelm us. Look to others for permission, approval and validation. Allow uncomfortable situations without a fight, latched onto all good things that came your way, and accepted crumbs from others never daring to stand up for yourself and know how to ask for more.
They say that what doesn’t break you makes you stronger, but for many, those without a healthy foundation, life’s big and small traumas build up and eventually show up as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, or PTSD.
As a result, if you are looking for more control in your life, note the following tips:
Resilience Can Be Strengthened: We all respond to adversity differently. Research sows that a loving, emotionally responsive, and supportive environment during childhood fosters psychological resilience throughout life. However, even if we didn’t get that strong foundation growing up, we can still build resilience now. We can learn to overcome helplessness by increasing our sense of control
Finding Peace in the Present Moment: The most significant practice that allows you to shift out of a state of helplessness and offer you some sense of control is mindfulness. Instead of reliving the past, the pain, resentments, and disappointments, or worrying about the future, you could find peace in this moment, right now. You cannot change what happened and can’t control what’s to come, but you surely can decide how you move now. In this very moment, you can control how you respond to life.
For instance, you can take a deep breath, notice your children’s smile, the scent of garlic as you cook. You can focus on the here and now, being fully absorbed in life through all your senses, knowing that in this moment you are OKAY!
Notice that if you are feeling stressed or unsettled, become curious instead of trying to outrun it all. Start paying attention to your body, track the sensations, observe where you are feeling tightness, consciously releasing the tension as you breathe in and out. In this way, you can help regulate your nervous system and shift the patterns of reactivity. Remind yourself to breathe as you ride the wave of discomfort and trust that “this too will pass.”
Learning to Move Through Negative Thoughts: Once you allow yourself to feel what is going on in your body in times of high stress, begin noticing what you are thinking and feeling in the midst of turmoil. It can be difficult to not get overwhelmed by negative thought patterns you have been falling into for decades, without much conscious examination. Looking at those now, you’ll be able to realize how detrimental your mental scripts have been to your well-being.
With the help of a journal, you can learn to reframe negative events, bring perspective into your experiences and focus on what you can learn from them. This helps with constructive thinking, which was making ho miserable. Slowly, you will begin noticing when these negative tendencies show up, and instead of feeding them, you can just watch them come and go.
Mindfulness can allow you to move through negative thoughts and memories instead of getting stuck in them. You can notice what is really going on inside your mind, breathe through the turbulence offering yourself compassion for your struggles, and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. Over time, you will be more able to stop being so hard of yourself, and eventually shift out of the habit of these ruminative negatives for good.
Enjoying Something You Do Well: Spending time doing something you can do well can remind you how it feels to succeed. Finding something that you love and do well, and practicing it regularly builds confidence, self-esteem, and fortifies a healthy ego. It is imperative to have hobbies that you excel at and can turn into times of stress or unpredictability.
Spending Time in Nature: We live in a world of chronic stress and anxiety. We are always plugged in and on the go, constantly planning, thinking, and doing, all the while feeling disconnected from ourselves and the world around us. Modern day life means living in our heads a lot. To counter that, we need a practice that will ground us and ring us back to balance. And nature is one of the most grounding ways that we have.
Being in nature regulates your nervous system and brings about relaxation. Even a short walk can improve our mood and reduce anxiety. Find your own natural zen. Soak in nature’s energy as often as you can…it is so healing.
Caring For and Nourishing Your Body-Mind-Soul: You cannot be resilient if you are depleted. Focus on the basics to nourish you. Prioritize sleep movement, and practices that nourish and relax you…long baths, longer walks, healthy food, reading, gardening, or listening to music, etc. Rely on boundaries to protect your energy and inner peace. Proactive mindfulness and do things with intention. Plan ahead to avoid rushing or multitasking. And Fill Your Own Bucket. Hey, with so much out of your control, caring for you; body, mind, heart, and soul, is the one thing we can do.
In closing let me say that while challenging times are a given in life and you can’t always change our circumstances, we can have a different relationship with that is going on outside of us. You can learn to surf the waves if you stay mindful of practices that strengthen resilience. And that, folks, is empowering. 😊
Magic Morsel: You may encounter may defeats, but you must not feel defeated. In fact, it is necessary to encounter your defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise above, and how you can still come out of it. You can learn to overcome helplessness by increasing your sense of control.